It's Friday. Sex?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
