I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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