Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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