I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
