he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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