We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
