I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize