i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
