remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
