Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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