She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
