walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
