if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
