Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
