Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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