Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mom said you looked used
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
