are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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