Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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