You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
