Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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