did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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