I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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