He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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