i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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