how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
