my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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