I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
