im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
