Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
