In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
