ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
