I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
