How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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