from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize