Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
