Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
