i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
