Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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