apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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