if you like me you must not know who I am
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
