I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
