video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
