The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
