This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
