Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
