NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
