Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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