Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
