Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
