peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
