well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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