What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize