Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You smell like stripper and shame
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
