when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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