why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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