i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
