So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
