i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
