Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to sanitize my soul.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
