He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
