every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
