so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
