he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
