At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize