All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
