I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
