Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
