Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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