$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
