that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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