i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
