and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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