so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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