let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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